Boundaries People, Boundaries!
That sounds pretty strict I know but I’ve had bad experiences in the past where things got crossed up and as a result I was placed in unfavorable situations.
To put it plainly…
I believe in boundaries!
Boundaries create clear and defined beginnings and endings. They help differentiate the appropriate from the inappropriate. When we have clearly established boundaries, we know what’s okay and what isn’t.
We all have different sides and as a result we all have different parts we play in our lives. We operate differently in our families, friendships, romantic relationships, at work professionally, and as simple associates.
It always puzzles me when people seem to be put off by the fact that they see you act differently at work professionally than you do with your friends on a night out. Why wouldn’t you be in a different frame of mind and spirit with your colleagues in a professional setting than you would be with your close personal friends? That’s kind of like being surprised that a person acts differently with their significant other than they do with their parents. The relationship is different. And each of those relationships have boundaries.
When we don’t establish boundaries in each of our relationships, we will quickly see things getting crossed up and oftentimes inappropriately so. At times some people want more from others than is required or is appropriate. They choose to disregard the boundaries of the type of relationship that they’re in more than likely because none have been clearly established.
For instance, I once recall being asked by a superior on the job about my personal relationship with my child’s father. As inappropriate as that was, boundaries on that job were crossed quite often. If there had been an alarm in that office for every single time that a co-worker asked an inappropriate question, it would have been blaring every day, all day and I am by no means the only person who has had that kind of experience.
Still, nowadays with people from everywhere communing on social media, attending after work drink socials, or developing romantic relationships in places designated for other purposes such as work or even religious institutions, it is very easy for the lines to become blurred on what is appropriate and what isn’t.
However, we should be clear that…
If a relationship is professional, then work is the boundary.
If a relationship is parental, then parent and child is the boundary.
If a relationship is romantic, then the shared personal life between two people is their own and that relationship is the boundary.
Unless the circumstances change and two people consent to developing something more in a healthy and respectful manner outside of the boundaries of what has already been established, then that is perfectly fine.
Now, my philosophy might sound a bit conservative and there are indeed exceptions to the rule, but boundaries that stay intact within our relationships helps us to maintain healthy relationships.
Have you ever had problems establishing or maintaining boundaries within your relationships? If so how did you handle it? I’d love to hear from you!
A. L. Hearn